Live and Let Live

Triton's graduation was today. I was surprised that I didn't even cry. Usually I'm the one that never has a dry eye. It was my last time singing next to my friend Aimee in the choir. We have sat next to each other in that class for the past three years.

I have two cousins that graduated today too, but since I was playing in the band and singing in the choir at our graduation I didn't get to go.

Isn't it weird how you don't really miss somebody and you don't know how much you appreciate them until after they are gone? My boyfriend is going to be gone for two weeks. He's going up fishing and then to work on the farm at his uncle's place. There is a good part and a bad part to this. The good part is that I get a chance to do some really work with my dog for my senior project. But I'm going to miss hanging out with him terribly.

You also begin to realize how much you miss loved ones when they are gone forever. I've had quite an eventful year and a half. First I had a band concert on December 13, 2005, after the concert my dad got a call from my uncle that my grandpa went into the hospital because he fell and had a brain hemorrhage (or he had the hemorrhage and he fell, they haven't figured out what came first). That was a Tuesday night. That Thursday I went to see him in the hospital and I couldn't help but cry and pray. He was lying in that bed looking so helpless. He couldn't see, he didn't move and he could barely breath. I had never seen anything like it. I didn't want him to die, but I didn't want to watch him suffer like that. Before I left for the night I said goodbye and that I loved him, and to keep fighting. Later that night I prayed that if he was going to go that he would go during the meeting that my family was going to have to decide on what to do. And what do you know, that's just what happened.

Then in November, again on the 13th I had a HVL honor band concert and after that was done my mom said that Grandma went into the hospital and wasn't looking good. All the way there I was praying, "God, don't let her go until I get there to say goodbye." I had time, the expected her to die that night. My aunts and uncles were there and a few of my cousins. Before everyone started leaving we all sang "Jesus Loves Me." When I said we had time, I meant it. She didn't die until a week later.

I miss them so much and I never knew how much I would. Every time I think about the Mayo Clinic I think of Grandpa because he used to work there. And I have a goal to find the puzzles with 500 or more pieces in my house and put them together in remembrance of him. The last thing I did with him before he died was put together a puzzle. It was a picture of two kittens in a mailbox, but because of his Alz-Heimer's he thought they were rabbits. Every time I think about birds I think about Grandma. She loved birds. She could pick out which one was outside her window just by listening to it's song. She and I used to play card and board games whenever I was at their house. I miss doing that stuff.

You really don't know how much you miss and love someone 'til they're gone. My advice, Live life at it's fullest, don't have regrets and live as if it's your last day.